How Not to Make Friends in Singapore

For the past few weeks I have been back in the job market. Failed business was the mark of my 2015, which frankly, had upset me.

Boyfriend has been repeating this mantra: Go out, talk to people, network.

That mantra has successfully landed him a job at Facebook.

The same mantra, unfortunately, landed me in a series of unfortunate events: Sweaty palms, incoherent ramblings on how I was only a flight attendant, and never had a job offer due to my brain. Possibly have no idea what KPI is. Things went worse when they realized I have no business cards, apparently a useful thing if you want to network. That and great LinkedIn presence.

After networking, I usually went home. Battered with sadness.

I was sad, because I had nothing to offer, not even a business card. I would eventually go to bed, defeated.

When you are an adult living in Singapore, making friends and building networks are often intertwined. I don't find myself network-worthy, because when I go to networking events, I feel more comfortable talking about how Britta I turned out to be (I am no Abed, sadly), why people should join a spicy food eating competition and where do you meet people who play loups garous. Things that I could only imagined doing with friends. Unfortunately, in Singapore, when you are not network-worthy, you probably attract less friends. And those topics are not network-worthy.

And now, I know that feeling, when nobody wants to be your friend.

Not until last week, someone I knew from university days contacted me. She wanted to drop a  wedding invitation. No, not hers. It's another person, someone we both know.

Our conversation turned out to be more than just about that wedding. We talked about fear and career and people and planes. In retrospect, I can't tell you what she has shared with me. But I can tell on what I have shared with her.

I told her that I feel embarrassed talking to people, that I was judged because I am without job.

I told her that I have difficulties making friends and networking.

I told her that sometimes I felt sick putting myself out there, that everyone needs to be a superior version of themselves.

I told her, all of my life events she has not heard of, in a natural way. Not in a way where I had to make sure that I did not sound doubtful or too confident at the same time, all while hiding my weaknesses and showing the milestone I have done. Just like I usually did at networking events.

Plus, I did not pay attention on my grammar or syntaxes when I spoke to her. Usually, these two have been pointed out very clearly by my boyfriend 1). Which resulted in me sounding like a stuttering 3 year old, and still making the bloody mistakes.

Coming to the end of our meeting, I have never felt this refreshed for months, or even years.

I am not friendless in Singapore.

1) To be fair, I did ask my boyfriend to correct me, early in our relationship.